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Breaktime - Woody Allen quotes

Funny (& not-so-funny) Woody Allen quotes...

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.

I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
frater_pfdv
Jul. 13th, 2007 08:16 pm (UTC)
I want Woody Allen to play me in my film biography...Dustin Hoffman is my second choice..
recrea33
Jul. 13th, 2007 10:54 pm (UTC)
woody does quality quote
recrea33
Jul. 13th, 2007 11:01 pm (UTC)
more woody
'His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.'

'If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.'

'It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.'

'It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.'
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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