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Things I've learned from my children

Not that I have ANY children...
Once again, emptying the ol' email box... This makes me laugh.

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is why you should practice birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house
4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Leggos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do like ovens.
20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
21. It will however make cats dizzy.
22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
angel156
Dec. 12th, 2002 03:09 pm (UTC)
Have kids
and I still found that funny...thanks!!
enjoybeing
Dec. 12th, 2002 06:19 pm (UTC)
Re: Have kids
My favorite is the one about Legos. :)
...
And cat puke. . . vomit is always funny. . . :)
...
Unless it's your own. . .
...
Hmmmmmm
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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