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Don't like telemarketers?

I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.

ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...

ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

ME: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please.

ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.

ME: Ok, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

ME: Hello.
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.

ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.

ME: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: That's right.

ME: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes, sir.

ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
AT&T: We think so!

ME: That's quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

ME: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me.

ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?

ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that I'll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for ...

ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor.
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

ME: Yeth?

SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T & T?

SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.
ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: click........


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 8th, 2003 08:43 am (UTC)
YOU are AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am actually looking forward to the next time a telemarketer calls me. I'm going to mess with them big-time!
Oct. 8th, 2003 08:50 am (UTC)
Damn, that's good enough for a bit on the radio. Next time, record it. Thanks for fighting the good fight.
Oct. 8th, 2003 09:00 am (UTC)
Back in the day, this would have been quite suitable for the USENET group alt.evil.
Oct. 8th, 2003 09:10 am (UTC)
They offered me 5 cents a minute...
no service fees. They billed me for 15 cents a minute the first month, plus service fees. That was over a year ago. I still occasionally get calls from collection agencies asking for money. Don't bother asking for it in writing from AT&T, just don't bother with them period.
Oct. 8th, 2003 09:13 am (UTC)
oh my god thats evil. i love it.
whats great is when you have them on hold, some companies have it so the CSRs cannot hang up


Oct. 8th, 2003 11:15 am (UTC)
Mr. Byron that was inspirational.
Oct. 8th, 2003 12:00 pm (UTC)

I totally cannot wait until a telemarketer calls so i can pull this. WHEEEEEEEEEEE

oh yes, and i'm printing this out, and posting it on our refrigerator for my roommates next time one of them calls.

Oct. 8th, 2003 12:29 pm (UTC)
Hehehehehe, that's hilarious!
Oct. 8th, 2003 01:49 pm (UTC)

I also like 'I'm busy right now give me your home number and I'll ring you later'
Funnily enough they never do :)
Oct. 10th, 2003 04:18 pm (UTC)
And add to that -
"What time do you eat dinner, I'll be sure to call you then..."
Oct. 11th, 2003 01:20 am (UTC)
they usually say 'you cant phone me at home'
at which point you can shout ' well what gives you the right to phone me then?'
Oct. 8th, 2003 03:04 pm (UTC)
You Are My Hero....You are the wind beneath myyy wings.....(just picture me singing....)

Oct. 8th, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC)
This morning, five minutes before I'm out the door for work I get a call. It's the police. First thoughts: "Shit! What'd I do?" Second thoughts: "Shit! What have my siblings done!" Third: "Shit! Who's dead?" Out loud: "...Uh...Yes...?" The shitfucker then informs me that this call is being taped. After a mental "whatthefuc?" he launches into this scheme about wanting me to donate money to some related police related cause.

The pigfucker was clever enough to mention that the call was being taped beforehand, I'll give him that much, otherwise I'd've launched a steady stream of profanity his way until the shitfacedmotherfucker had hung up.

I will not tolerate telemarketers under any circumstances, that this piece of shit invaded my privacy this morning a few minutes before I had to get to work, taped my call, tried to use scare tactics to get me to give this inflated ass money is apaulling.

I really, really, really hate telemarketers.
Oct. 8th, 2003 05:10 pm (UTC)
In all fairness, having done this sucky job myself, have mercy on the poor schmuck and just request their supervisor put you on their DO NOT CALL list.

It's quick. It's merciful. And it could be lucrative for you if they DO call again.
Oct. 9th, 2003 03:27 am (UTC)
fun vacuum!
Oct. 9th, 2003 12:59 am (UTC)
Was pointed to this by a friend
I usually do the "What are you wearing?...Mmmmmm...Take it off" routine, which seems to work quite well

But this was INSPIRED!

I shall try this kinda thing in future
Oct. 9th, 2003 10:09 am (UTC)
Re: Was pointed to this by a friend
actually i saw this about a year ago posted by someone else. still funny though. ah well you know what they say: originality is just undetected plagiarism.
Oct. 9th, 2003 03:26 am (UTC)
Why did they keep calling you "Mister?!"
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )



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