November 25th, 2002

Professional

Sent to me via email...

THESE ARE ALL FROM JOB APPLICATIONS.
- "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
- "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
- "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
- "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
- "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
- "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
- "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
- "Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
- "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
- "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.
- "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
- "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
- "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
- "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
- "Marital status: often. Children: various."
- "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
- "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."
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Professional

Words Women Use

Can you tell I'm emptying my email??

Subject: WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING - This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

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