Sunday (August 11) -
:: Why is it the metal detector at the airport goes off for
:: the buckle on my belt, but the "turn on the water" sensor
:: at the sink in the restrooms can't detect my hands no
:: matter how I move them around?
Monday (August 12) -
:: I just read everything in my child's school registration
:: packet. I'm going to volunteer to be the school
Tuesday (August 13) -
:: I love being married. It's great to find that one special
:: person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
:: Folks, if it's below 70 degrees outside and your A/C comes
:: on, you've either got the thermostat set too low or have
:: one heckuva hot love life.
:: To the guy whose wife never wants sex: Have you ever
:: thought that if it was good for her that she would want it
:: all the time?
Wednesday (August 14) -
:: I have a great idea for a new reality survivor show:
:: People fight for tables at coffee shops in
:: Virginia-Highland on Sunday morning.
:: My mother has a talent for saying just the right thing.
:: When I asked her if my haircut was too short, she
:: said, "Well, it's too late now."
Thursday (August 15) -
:: Apparently none of the drunken pilots have ever heard of
:: breath mints.
:: I don't care for sex in the movies. I tried it once.
:: The seat folded up, and my girlfriend's soda spilled.
:: I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know
:: me here.