I'm pulling out my favorites & recording them in my journal from time to time...
From Friday's paper:
- It's too bad Osama wasn't walking around DC recently.
Just curious, does Vanilla Coke qualify as a chemical weapon?
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point in there.
Follow your dream, unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Seen on a T-shirt: "Lord keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth." This shirt should be one size fits all.
From Saturday's paper:
- Let's take Iraq out with our own weapons of mass destruction. Let's send a bomber full of kudzu seeds over there.
Halloween is the best holiday. You get to dress up and eat lots of candy, and you don't have to see your relatives.
From Sunday's paper:
- Now they tell us Jesus had a brother. And I thought I had a lot of pressure on me because my older brother was a high school All-American.
From Monday's paper:
- The HOPE Scholarship is not poor people subsidizing rich kids. It's the redistribution of money from the stupid to the smart.
If you call my house and my voice doesn't sound familiar or you think you have the wrong number, don't ask, "Who is this?" It's none of your business who I am!
I wish some politician would promise to crack down on deadbeat moms and dads who refuse to parent.
I lent $300 to my best friend of 30 years. He said he truly needed it. Since then, he's been avoiding me like the plague and it's possible he may never be able to repay me. I told him not to worry about it, but it didn't take. I miss my friend.